Men Connect
Eight men. The same room. Two hours a week, for eight weeks.
What happens when familiar dynamics are left at the door, when no one needs to be the hero, the critic, or the rescuer?
Much is being said about men and masculinity. Often it’s framed as a problem to be solved, something broken or dangerous that needs correcting. But another way of understanding this moment is quieter, and perhaps more generous: masculinity finding itself again, confronted with new freedoms, new expectations, and the uncertainty that comes with both.
Søren Kierkegaard described anxiety as “the dizziness of freedom”, the feeling that arises when possibility opens and responsibility follows. Many men experience that dizziness not because masculinity has failed, but because old maps no longer work and new ones haven’t yet been drawn. The struggle is often carried alone and unspoken. As Jonathan Haidt notes, people don’t get depressed when they face threats collectively; they struggle when they feel isolated, lonely, or useless.
For years, Nick and I facilitated informal men’s drop-in groups in pubs across South East London. Men came and went. Conversations sparked, hesitated, drifted. Something important was happening, but without continuity, it rarely had the time or containment to deepen.
Men Connect grew out of that experience: a way of bringing the depth of psychodynamic group work into an accessible, community setting.
Currently running in Greenwich, in partnership with The Deborah Ubee Trust, the group brings together men who arrive uncertain, often guarded. Here, uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are not pushed away, fixed, or mastered. In that allowing, something becomes more bearable, something that can be thought about rather than escaped.
What emerges is not an answer, but an orientation: a clarity negotiated with oneself and with others, rather than in isolation. From there, a way of being in the world begins to take shape.
